So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
