lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
