the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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