JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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