remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
