Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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