yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this beer tastes like vomit already
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
