Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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