weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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