Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
