They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
