my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
