Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
