i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
