If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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