we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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