she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
