She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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