he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
