Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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