I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
