Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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