It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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