with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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