That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
