addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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