It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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