Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
