party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
