I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
