Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
