You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
