Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
