never play flip cup with pint glasses
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
