Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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