I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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