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Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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