i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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