think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
