By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
