I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize