Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I checked into jail on foursquare
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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