That's when you crack a 10am beer
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
