He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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