Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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