why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
