Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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