WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
