my sisters under your porch take her home
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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