literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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