The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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