you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
