he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
