so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
