What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
