I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I want is dick and wine.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
