Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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