The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
