Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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