party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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