I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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