apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
