I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I checked into jail on foursquare
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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