Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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